So, you managed to be awesome enough to snag a hottie’s digits and you’re ready for the next step: initiating conversation through text! Let’s make sure you’re using it effectively by building attraction, instead of killing it!
How to Text a Girl You Like
Texting is great for getting to know girls and helping them to become more comfortable with you. With this great tool for many positive outcomes, it can also be a tool for many negative outcomes as well, if used incorrectly. While reading this post, try and keep in mind your texting habits and see what you’re excelling in and what could use some work. When it comes to dating and becoming more effective with girls, you have to be brutally honest with yourself.
Let’s start with the basics. These rules are universal in almost every texting circumstance.
1. Don’t respond too quickly. By responding to a text message within minutes of receiving it comes off to the girl that you are “needy”. Needy is the biggest no-no when it comes to dating. Take 10 minutes or longer to respond. A good rule of thumb is to double the time it took for her to respond to your last message. IE, if it took her 10 minutes to respond, wait 20 minutes before you write her back. Taking this extra time has it benefits. Not only are you not coming off as needy, but it makes you seem to busy AND it gives you time to perfectly craft that undeniably witty text message of yours.
Being perceived as busy is good thing. It helps build your value in the sense that you’re actually doing something with your life. There’s nothing exciting about you sitting around all day watching reruns of ‘That’s So Raven’ on the Disney Channel.
2. Keep it short and simple! She doesn’t want to read a novel! It also comes off as needy once again if you’re sending her long text messages too often. If you’re struggling to embrace why long messages come off as needy, think of this… We all know somebody who talks way too much in attempt to seem interesting, but reality, just comes off as annoying. So the more he talks, the more annoyed people get, body language and energy shifts, he soons feels this shift, so he panics and starts talking more… It’s a vicious cycle that ultimately ends with self esteem damage. So, in short, don’t be that guy! Be cool. Be Keith Stone.
3. Always be the first to end the conversation. You’re in control of the conversation and she just so happens to be privileged enough to have it with you. Ultimately, you want to reverse the roles of who’s pursuing who. So keep her on her toes! My favorite thing to do is randomly not respond back — even if the convo is getting really good! A lot of the time she will send another message to keep the conversation going. This is a great sign! Now SHE is the one trying to keep your attention and keep the conversation going even if she doesn’t realize it.
Ending the conversation first also makes you seem like you’re not desperate. Obviously, not seeming desperate is a good thing! It comes off that you’re busy (once again) and that you really couldn’t care less if you talked. She’s AN option, not THE option.
To go along with what was just said, remember: The person that cares the least, has the most power. Now it’s time to show her how much you don’t care.
4. Texting is the means to get you to the ultimate goal. Guys, this should be a no-brainer. The reason you got her number in the first place was so you could segue into eventually meeting up and hopefully reaching your goal. We all have different goals when it comes to attracting women. Some of you are just wanting someone to hookup with, while some of you are looking for a relationship. Whatever your goals are, you’re not going to accomplish them by JUST texting them. There has to be physical interactions.
5. Avoid the “Friend Zone” or being the “Text Buddy” Texting too often with a lot of small chat can quickly lead to the friend zone, especially if you’ve never met in person. Personally, I keep the texting to a minimum. When I text a girl, it’s not because I’m bored, i’m texting her to get her comfortable with me as quickly as I can so we can meet in person. So don’t fall into the trap of you listening to her all her problems text after text. This isn’t helping your chances with her, it’s actually doing the opposite. So if you have to, remind her that you’re not one of her girlfriends and that you don’t want to listen to her complain. I know this sounds rude, but I promise it will help!
K, so back to the texting agenda…
In my mind, the quicker I can meet up with her in person, the quicker she’ll be attracted to me, and the quicker I’ll be to achieving my goals with this girl. Try and set up the meeting early in your conversation. I usually say something to this effect:
“Honestly, texting isn’t my favorite because I feel like I can’t really get to know the real you. How about we get a quick (insert favorite beverage or treat here). Does Friday or Saturday work better for you?”
Let me break down what I just did in this text: A) “I can’t really get to know the real you” I’m making it sound she has more to offer than just words. Girls like this because they think they’re sophisticated… and I guess they are.. B) “how about we a get a quick….” The word ‘quick’ is huge because it will help with any of the uneasiness she might be feeling. C) “Does Friday or Saturday work better for you?” I’m assuming that she’s already going to say yes (confidence!) and I’m still giving her a choice… kinda. I’m giving her two choices that I’m allowing her to choose from. This shows more confidence and that she can’t jerk you around. If she hesitates with giving you an answer, or you can tell that she’s kinda dodging the question, take the offer away from her! Tell her “Never mind. Obviously, you’re not that interested.” And then end it! Move on! If you can emotionally take yourself out with your interaction with girls and can end all contact with that person with a snap of a finger, you’ll have all the power! 9 times out of 10, your reaction will shock them and they’ll back pedal/apologize and tell you that they can meet up Saturday. It works, I promise.
So again, the quicker you meet in person, the better your chances are for avoiding the dreaded Friend Zone!
So, here are the 5 basic tips for texting a girl. Remember to be cool, and collected, and tell yourself that you really don’t care about the outcome with this girl, because there’s plenty of others out there. Oh, and the last thing I forgot to mention… After getting a girl’s number, wait at least 2-3 days before you send her that first message! And also 1-2 days before starting up a conversation from the last time you talked. I know it seems technical, but it’s important.