What is it about guys that make them say they “need their space?” Sure, girls feel it and say it, too. But it seems like this is a bigger problem with guys.
If you’re reading this, you are probably experiencing something similar. Don’t worry – we’ve all been there. You have a great relationship and suddenly it’s derailed or broken off completely because your boyfriend needs his space.
There are all sorts of reasons a guy might feel this way. Sometimes he has personal or family problems. Sometimes he feels insecure about himself. And yes, often he has a fear of commitment. All good and well – but what you want to know is how to get him back. Here are some proven tips.
1. Be strong. Think about this. He “wants space,” which means he feels you are too close. Collapsing emotionally and falling all over him is definitely NOT going to make him more comfortable. You may be hurt, but if you want him back, you can’t break down. Be strong, retain your pride. If he wants to be apart, ok. His loss.
2. Stay in touch. He wants space. Fine, give it to him. But don’t disappear. If you want him back, stay in touch. NOT EVERY DAY! But strike up short, casual conversations, nothing emotional or dramatic. Send a text every once in awhile, or an IM online. There’s a good chance he’ll be really happy to hear from you – and start to remember how much he likes your company. Your goal here is to continue to be part of his life without scaring him away.
3. Keep living. If he believes you are at home with a broken heart, he will continue to believe you will smother him if he comes back. Get on with your life. Yes, you are going to stay in touch with him; but go out with friends, have fun, go on a date with another guy. He needs to realize that while you want him and care for him, you don’t NEED him in order to be okay.
4. Ideally at this point he will start to show some renewed interest. If so, this will be your chance to remind him how great your relationship was, how much fun you had together, all the things you shared. Whatever you do, don’t get angry or defensive and start telling him what’s wrong with him. Focus on the positive.
5. On the other hand, if your boyfriend is not responding at all to everything we’ve talked about here – well, you just may have to accept it. Either he’s just not that into you anymore (sorry) or he really doesn’t need some space at this point in his life. Either way, there’s not much you can do. But if he is showing you a little more attention and interest, then keep it going. He’s warming up and just might melt anytime.
6. If all goes well eventually your boyfriend will open the door, and you can really share your feelings with him. Let him know how you feel, how much you care, how much you’d like to get back together – WITHOUT acting desperate. He needs to feel secure that you can be strong, with or without him.
There’s no guarantee you can get your boyfriend back when he wants more space. But if you want to try, these steps are a good start. No matter what, be honest and kind. Don’t try to hurt him back. If he’s interested, you’ll soon know. If not, at least you’ll know that, too – and be able to move on.