Cheating, whether by yourself or your partner can have a devastating effect on your marital relationship. An extra-marital affair is an embarrassing and heart-breaking situation for both partners and indicates a failure in the level of companionship in your marriage. Trust and faithfulness are the most critical foundations of any marriage, and once that is weakened due to an extra-marital affair, it is difficult to even imagine how to fix a relationship after cheating.
Infidelity can exacerbate marital problems such as bitterness and conflicts to such a degree that the only solution might seem to be separation. However, separation in itself is a very stressful and painful situation for both partners; even though it is difficult, it may be worthwhile to try to save a marriage after cheating.
I know how hurt you can be, it is very painful to find out that your partner is cheating you. But don’t panic or let yourself get too frustrated over your predicament, it is important to try and remain calm and gain some control over the situation. Consider how you might best handle things and give yourself a chance to figure out ways to fix your relationship after cheating.
It is natural and to be expected that you will be angry with your partner, but at some point you need to cool down and try to understand why your partner is cheating on you. In most cases, the reason for infidelity is not that the partner who is cheating has no emotional attachment to you, but it may be due to his/her physical or emotional needs, or needs for validation of their self-worth. If you can figure out what gap the affair tried to fill, you can regain your partner’s attention by focusing your attention on meeting that need.
Whatever the reason for cheating may be, “forgive and forget” is an important goal, as hard as it may seem, if you really want to fix your relationship and save your marriage, even after an infidelity has occurred. When you discover that you have been cheated on, discuss it with your partner openly and find out about his/her willingness to save the marriage. Try to get a feel for how your partner would approach the problem. Express your love for your partner and make him/her realize how much you share together. If you get a positive response, then forgive him/her and work on getting a fresh start.
If you have been successful in developing a deep love for each other, then this problem can be overcome more easily than you may think. The most important step in how to save your relationship after cheating is to scrutinize your relationship and see if there aren’t neglected areas that could use some attention. Take a look at your own personality and behavior and see if there are any opportunities to improve your relationship and shift your attention more to where it is needed.
Find ways to spend more “fun time” together, whether it’s having lunch, watching a movie or playing darts together. Go shopping, take a drive or even pay the bills together. Perhaps you are long overdue to take a vacation together, even if it’s just a short one. Now is the time to give yourselves a chance to re bond, improve communication between you, remember the things you share and overcome the differences between you.
If you are the partner who is cheating, have you no shame? Do you realize how much hurt you have caused the one who loves you so dearly? Are you really willing to throw away all the good things that brought you into this relationship in the first place, and all the good things between you that you have built for so long? You are now in the untenable position of having to regain the trust of your significant other. Begin by remembering all the special moments and things you share with your partner. Then, sincerely express those things to him/her and how much they mean to you. Apologize and admit to making a terrible mistake. Then get to work on reminding your partner of all those things that make your relationship worth saving.
Once your partner is ready to forgive you and forget the bitterness, continue to express your deep love for your partner and make him/her know how much you need them and how incomplete you are without him/her. Give your partner the chance to fulfill whatever it was that drove you into the arms of another. Communicate with your significant other in such a way that both of you feel you are getting your needs met, so that neither of you has to go through the difficult process of trying to save the marriage after cheating again.
When both of you are willing to go through the work that is needed to save your relationship after a cheating incident, you will find that it is worth the effort because you will be able to successfully improve your relationship and live happily together once again.
