My Stupid Stupid Boyfriend has a female best friend. She is the BBWBFF* that enlisted Jenny Craig to help her get her man. Then I showed up. The Red Flag moment should have been obvious to me, but just like her weight loss, it was a gradual occurrence. I had my suspicions that she was in love with him, but nothing I could really put my finger on. After his separation, she took care of everything including setting up his condo which happened to be in the development where she worked. She left lists of what he needed and notes signed with a heart telling him how much he was loved after her overnights in the guest room. She is that kind of person he told me. She is very loving. She stays overnight because she lives an hour away and it is easier for her to get to work in the morning. Uh huh. Right. As I was ironing my son’s PE clothes the next morning, I wondered why MSSBF felt the need to lock his bedroom door when she stayed overnight.
Fast forward nine months when he moved into a new house. I found the house and a mover and was so excited for him to move away from the BFF slumber party palace. In my happiest of moments I offered to help him unpack. He said that she would help too because more hands make lighter work. Now that she had been laid off, she had time to help. And because the house was further away from her home, she would be spending the night in the guest room. Really?!?!?! What the hell?
At this point I must admit that I had become his Stupid Stupid Girlfriend for ignoring what made me nauseous. I focused on how amazing it was when he and I were together. And somewhere in my delusional mind I figured that if I waited just a little bit longer, she would go away. I hoped that the move would be the beginning of her departure, but as she and I were unpacking boxes in the kitchen, I realized she wasn’t going anywhere. War was declared when I picked up some plastic champagne glasses and she said, “Those were from a party that we had last year. I don’t want those in the house, put them in the garage.” I looked at her “I just got busted” face, walked away and let her finish unpacking the kitchen.
The next morning when I arrived, they were having their morning coffee. He and I engaged in a loving conversation at the table. She mentioned how she felt some acid building up in the back of her throat that was making her gag. I said, “You know so and so, I hope that you will find someone that you feel this happy with.” She replied, “You mean find a relationship of your own and get out of mine?” I said, “Yes. Exactly.”
Sadly, after more than two years, on our third breakup, we ended it for good. I imagine for those two years his BBWBFF was probably thinking that if she waited just a little bit longer, I would go away. I wonder how much wait she has left to go? I mean weight…
*BBWBFF Big Beautiful Woman Best Friend Forever