How do you go about rebuilding trust in a relationship or marriage even after you’ve cheated? Being such an emotionally charged issue, many people feel that an affair should always mean the end of a relationship. But that’s not necessarily so. I believe that every relationship is salvagable if both parties really want to work on it. This article is about rebuilding trust in a relationship.
Resolving trust issues in relationships requires adjustments in both attitude and in actions. Even after cheating, it is possible to fix the relationship and save the marriage. But that starts with building up the level of trust between the couple all over again.
If you had an affair, you must have had an attitude which permitted you to stray. This could mean that at the relationship’s core there is something that needs repair. But you can fix a broken relationship and make it better with a little effort.
What was it that you were looking for when you strayed? Was the sex getting predictable, boring, or even rare? Was she too busy and unavailable or inattentive to you? Was she just not taking care of herself like she used to?
You wouldn’t have cheated if the primary relationship was everything you wanted it to be. So, what needs to be done to make it better? Often the answer can be found through careful self analysis. But just as often, the answer lies somewhere within the couple’s relationship.
Regaining trust in relationships means fixing the underlying relationship problems. Maybe that means going to couples counseling together.
But just understanding and analyzing our motivations isn’t enough. It is worthless information until you take concrete action and get to work fixing the problems.
The secret to rebuilding trust in a relationship does not lie in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.
One of the most powerful things you must do is to make small promises and faithfully keep them. If you say you will take the trash out every evening, do it. And, do it consistently. When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the little things, a sense of confidence will gradually surface which can favorably reflect on the relationship as a whole.
Your wife or girlfriend is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed. This means that you’re going to have to apologize more than once over time. You’ll also need to take the recurring remarks regarding the violation of trust as a matter of course. It is not an easy thing for her to forgive the transgression. If you want her to take you back, you’ll just have to be patient with her.
This does not mean that you have to be guilt ridden about the indiscretion forever. As a matter of fact, if you permit her to perpetually guilt trip you, she will never be truly satisfied in the new relationship you are trying to build. Just be understanding.
Lastly, you’ll want to put a positive spin on the whole sordid incident. Use it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature. Just like a bone will grow stronger in the place where it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair if tended to properly.
Restoring trust in a relationship takes time. It demands that you change both your attitudes and your actions. But it is possible to save a marriage after an affair and actually become a stronger couple as a result.
