If your marriage has recently suffered from an infidelity, you surely are wondering how to save your marriage and whether your marriage can even survive an affair. It may seem like a losing battle, but your marriage is not necessarily hopeless after an affair.\u00a0 But how, you ask, can you ever get over the betrayal and forgive your partner? Well, you probably don\u2019t need to be told the obvious, but it\u2019s not going to be easy.\u00a0 But it IS possible. When you said \u201cFor better or for worse\u201d, you made a commitment, and now things are definitely \u201cfor worse\u201d \u2013 but that\u2019s just it: Things can only get better.\u00a0 Even after having your world turned upside down by infidelity, and you are feeling lost and hurt, you still have a choice. Is your marriage worth saving?\u00a0 If you are reading this right now, then yes, you obviously think that it is worth it. For many couples, divorce is the only way to reconcile what has happened, but as we all know, sometimes things are not that simple.\u00a0 Life is not simple. Love is not simple.\u00a0 And signing your name on the divorce papers does not mean that all the problems and hurt is going to instantly go away.\u00a0 Every marriage deserves a fighting chance. Rebuilding your marriage means that you are going to deal with some tough emotional issues that surface after an affair was discovered.\u00a0 You are going through a roller coaster of emotions, from grief, anger, embarrassment, bitterness, distrust, emotional exhaustion \u2013 but most importantly HOPE. You have a lot to work though, and if you want to take this curve-ball that life has thrown at you and LEARN from it, then you are already on your way to saving your marriage. Your partner may seem like a stranger to you now; Who is this person I married?\u00a0 Shared so much of my life with?\u00a0 Had CHILDREN with?\u00a0 What happened to make your best-friend a complete stranger to you now? Both of you have to take a good hard look (probably harder than you would like) at yourselves and your relationship.\u00a0 You have been through so much pain already, but you survived, didn\u2019t you? It just shows how strong you are, and proves that you are going to get through this part too.\u00a0 You have to recognize why the affair happened. It is usually due to existing problems in your marriage that the infidelity occurred.\u00a0 You need to evaluate these problems, and all the good things that still remain in the relationship, and how to get back what you have lost. Discussing, and working through, how and why the infidelity happened can sometimes seem even harder than the discovery of the affair itself.\u00a0 But to actually give your marriage a chance, you have to address the psychology of infidelity. People cheat for various reasons \u2013 but it all comes down to some sort of psychological stimulation. The cheating spouse may have resorted to an affair since they were feeling a lack of control in their lives and in their relationship. The unfaithful partner may have felt that they did not have enough, or any, control in their marriage.\u00a0 This leads them (usually subconsciously) to seek out a relationship where they can be more dominant, and they resolve their frustrations in an extramarital affair. In many relationships partners make compromises willingly, but some do it quite unwillingly \u2013 sometimes even subconciously.\u00a0 Having an affair allows the adulterer to control how, when and where the relationship develops (because they feel that this is something they cannot do in their existing relationship). The controlling adulterer cheats in order to re-gain a sense of lost power. Insecurity is one of the key psychological reasons why a partner may cheat.\u00a0 The insecurity may be personal, where the unfaithful partner feels inferior and unworthy of their spouse.\u00a0 They don\u2019t feel like they are on an equal level with their partner and have a fear that they will lose their spouse and marriage. The fear becomes so intense that they seek ways to resolve it, sometimes manifesting in an affair.\u00a0 Thinking that the end of their marriage is inevitable, they turn their attention to minimizing their fear and pain. This is where an affair enters.\u00a0 The affair serves as security, or a back-up-plan, if the marriage ends.\u00a0 The insecure adulterer may also choose a partner who they feel equal or superior to.\u00a0 This can temporarily relieve their feelings of inadequacy. A feeling of neglect is the most common reason why adulterers say they strayed from their marriage.\u00a0 Everyone needs psychological stimulation, especially of feeling wanted, needed, appreciated and loved.\u00a0 Without this, one begins to suffer from mental and emotional neglect. When a couple has been together for a long time, they can sometimes begin to neglect each other.\u00a0 First communication goes \u2013 they don\u2019t talk with or inquire about each other as often as they used to. Then it moves to the bedroom \u2013 and couples may even neglect to have sexual intercourse as often, or even at all. This type of neglect leaves a person feeling frustrated, lonely, and undesirable.\u00a0 Spouses that feel neglected usually end up in affairs because somebody else gave them the attention and psychological stimulation that they so desired from their partner. The psychology of infidelity is an important area to address if you are committed to rebuilding your relationship and saving your marriage.\u00a0 I am not suggesting you blame yourself for your spouses poor judgement, but in order to solve the deeper issues and resolve the problem, you must uncover and acknowledge your spouses feelings, whether they seem justified or not. If you understand various personality types and individual needs, you can figure out how and why this happened to your relationship.\u00a0 Just remember that when your cheating spouse is talking about the affair, they are giving reasons and feelings associated with the infidelity and NOT EXCUSES for their actions. There are reasons why you fell in love with and committed yourself to each other.\u00a0 Don\u2019t forget these reasons!\u00a0 They may seem lost under all the hurt and guilt, but they are still there. You just need to breathe life back into them.\u00a0 When you get though this difficult time, your marriage will be so much stronger and you will know each other on a new level.\u00a0 Dealing with the affair properly means that something like this will never come between you two again. It has been a heart-wrenching, life-shattering experience but you survived and have something important to take away from it.\u00a0 Knowing this can give you the strength to learn how to survive an affair and save a marriage after infidelity.