Looking down at that shiny marriage ring can sometimes make one wonder where the shininess of one’s marriage has gone. At the beginning things seemed to come so easily, but now everyone’s aware of some areas needing improvement. But where should one start? Here are a few tips on how to recover the shiny glory of a marriage.
Look each other directly in the eyes before going to bed.
They say the eyes are the gateway to the soul. True or not, looking deeply into someone’s eyes can be truly emotionally powerful. Although it may feel awkward at first, it’s this sort of connection that will help restore emotional shine between partners. There is no need for a staring contest, but try looking into his or her eyes and consider how amazing it is to be with a loved one.
When he expects stern words, surprise him with kindness.
Doing so will put a positive, if at first surprising, sensation in the atmosphere. If he knows that he has done something negative, it is generally not necessary to rub his face in it. If one partner can diffuse a situation with kindness rather than with a strong initial reaction to the circumstance, both individuals will be better off. Obviously, this isn’t possible all the time. But when possible, remember the benefits are well worth it.
Pardon minor factual errors.
Everyone wants to correct their partner’s mistaken comment about dinner at Suzy’s house on Monday when it was actually at Susan’s house on Wednesday. However, these little corrections are not really helpful. Perhaps there is some instant satisfaction to reminding the partner that he or she must be completely wrong in their argument because a few facts have gone awry, but it’s just distracting and wastes everyone’s energy. Pardon these errors and try to get to the root of the problem.
Learn new things together.
Try learning a new language, words to a new song, or about some exotic potential vacation spot. Whatever topic is selected, work together and gain more knowledge of the world. This can spark interesting dinner conversation, give both people an activity to share in, and will generally promote teamwork.
Reflect on happy times together.
Spend some time every week to think about previous good times. Ask questions to your partner about what was in his or her mind at the time, what was the best and worst parts of the experience, and if the memories have seemed to change over time. Whatever questions come to mind, the goal is to get in touch with the deeper side of one’s partner. That’s the side that strengthens the bond that creates the shininess of marriage.
Perform random acts of kindness.
Everyone has tasks that he or she does not like to do. Life becomes disproportionately happier when someone helps out with these little annoyances. These acts do not need to be wild gestures of affection; instead, something as simple as grating the cheese for tonight’s quesadillas can be enough.
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