Let’s say you’ve been in a relationship with a girl for several months or years, and it’s been framed as monogamous.
Both of you have agreed that this relationship is about exclusivity.
And then, one day you found out that she cheats, and she tells you about it in tears. She says she feels terrible and it was a weak moment for her.
What do you do from there? Leave her because she broke the rules? Give her another chance, thereby opening the door to more of this type of behavior? Give her another chance, but at a price?
If that resonates with you, your psyche is probably polarized on this subject. Well, after you’ve read this article, you won’t be polarized anymore.
Don’t backward rationalize
First, be aware that we, as men, tend to naturally rationalize events after they occurred.
We attempt to structure a woman’s feelings into some sort of logical framework. I.e. “She broke it off so it wasn’t technically cheating but I misunderstood and didn’t know she broke off the exclusivity xyz etc.” (Picture Ross’s character in Friends for full impression).
Remember. Women base their decisions on feelings.
And so if you stop making a woman feel good and some guy steps in and makes her feel good in that precise moment when she was feeling bad, then you’re done.
It may look selfish from a male point of view. But when it comes to relationships, women base their actions on what feels good in that moment. That’s just the way it is.
It’s irrelevant how many times you had said “I love you” or if you had been married for x years.
And you can be making love to a woman for four hours non-stop giving her multiple orgasms and if at four hours and five minutes you say or do something to hurt her – she will close up like you’re the worst partner in the world in that exact moment.
So don’t expect a woman’s behavior to follow a logical pattern corresponding to your past history, how you categorize your relationship, or your track record.
If it’s too late and she cheated on you, then … well… it’s done.
Done. End of Story. End of hypothetical.
If you are ever cheated on, never return to the relationship.
The damage is done, and you will only be caught in a nightmarish spiral of fear and jealousy.
Get back out in business and find another woman that you can start on new ground with.
Do no try to establish exclusivity
And finally be done with exclusivity altogether.
You have to do one or the other. The guys who believe in exclusivity but accept that “some shit just happens” are the ones who’ve been tooled mercilessly and keep coming back for more.
What if, instead of needing to know you can trust a woman, you take trust off the table entirely?
Focus on your lifestyle. No woman deserves to be all the time in an alpha male’s thoughts.