So it’s over. Your relationship is finished and now you want to move on. Or do you? Breakups are hard to deal with, especially if you still have feelings for your significant other. After being with someone for a significant amount of time, you may feel as if you have hit a wall of loneliness, sadness, and despair. It’s tough to be alone and you may decide that you want that special someone back. It may be the wrong move because you broke up with that person for a reason. Or it could be the best thing to happen to you because you didn’t realize what you had until it was gone. After some soul-searching you may come to the conclusion you should get that old flame back into your life. Here is the quickest way to make that happen.
- Evaluate the state of the relationship and the subsequent breakup.
In order to work on getting that ex back, you have to know where you stand in the first place. Who initiated the breakup? If it was you, then things aren’t as bad as they seem. The initiator typically breaks up because of some problem they had with the other person or the state of the relationship. If you were on good terms during the breakup then it’s a lot easier to spark up a conversation and touch base with your ex. If things weren’t so great on the way out, then you’ve got your work cut out for you.
On the flip side of that coin, if your ex was the one who broke up with you then you also have your work cut out for you. In many cases, it’s because you were lacking or coming up short on the value scale in one or more aspects of the relationship. It could also be because you stopped doing some of the things that made the relationship so great in the beginning. In this case, you’ve got to build your value up and make it easy for your ex to see that to even get your chance. If things ended on a sour note, this is the time to briefly touch base with your ex and do a little patching up of your friendship. Make the first effort to be friends (even though you want more).
- Begin By Taking Care of Yourself First
You are probably hurt, confused, angry, sad, lonely, or a combination of all of the above right now. Instead of taking this time to mope all over the house in bunny slippers and drown your sorrows in tubs of ice cream, turn it into a positive by getting yourself into a confident and healthy state. Focus on eating good healthy foods, work out every day, and tend to your life affairs with a little more detail than usual. Wear your best clothes when you go out. If you act and dress like someone who is sad would, then it will be no surprise that you are sad. Begin to get out of the house and pick up some new hobbies, take classes, or go see something new in your city. Take care of yourself now and it will go a long way into getting your mojo back as soon as possible!
- Start Going Out and Dating Other People As Soon As Possible!
This is counter-intuitive, but just about any marriage or relationship counselor will give you the same advice. Especially coming off a tough breakup (and definitely if you were the one who was broken up with), you are most likely vulnerable, needy, and clingy. Your ex knows this about you and it’s one of the reasons things are in their current state. The best way to cure this is to get out and socialize with other people and even start dating quickly and often.
It’s during this period that you will start getting past those bad memories of how things ended with your ex and get exposed to some new people who you can have new and fun experiences with. It doesn’t mean you don’t still care for your ex. It’s just the way to get back to being the confident and fun person that probably got you into that relationship in the first place. Meeting new people will also give you the chance to decide if getting back with your ex is what you really want anyway. You very well could find someone new you would like to pursue a relationship with or just continue with the prospect of casual dating. Take your time and reflect on your situation after you’ve been spending time with your friends and dating new people for a while. If you still want your ex back then proceed to the next step.
- Casually Insert Yourself Back Into Your Ex’s Life
Okay, so you’ve started feeling good again. You’re living a healthy lifestyle and meeting new friends, and possibly even dating a few people. You still want your ex back and are ready to take a step in that direction. If you haven’t already casually been talking to your ex anyway, now is the time to do it. Write them an email or try to reach them via their social network of choice. Don’t send anything long and drawn out. Just something simple and elegant like “How have you been?” will do the job. In any case, write a message that’s friendly and familiar and not something that anyone would be made to feel sad or threatened by. Just taking that first step should get you back into their life on a small level. If they don’t respond, don’t take it personally. They may just be dead-set on not speaking to you, in which case you can now turn back to your new social circle and get on with your life. In most cases though, you will now begin to have more and more contact with your ex. Start to chat with them and build your new “friendship” up a few times a week. Over a small amount of time you will really become friends. Don’t be needy and don’t contact your ex a lot at first. You want to have other things in your life now that need your attention and you also want your ex to know this about you and respect it.
After you’ve been in contact with your ex for a while and things are going well, ask them out for lunch or dinner just to talk and hang out. Make it very low pressure and once you meet them, hug and say hello like you would to an old friend. Do NOT make this a relationship-y meeting or something where they would feel obligated to come. Have fun and talk about your life and what’s going on with you so your ex can see how you have changed for the better along with the value and abundance that are now in your life. After a fun meeting, make indefinite plans to hang out again some time and go your separate ways.
- Go Out Together
You and your ex are now back on good terms and are friendly with one another. They know that you have changed and your life is different now. Now you should be continuing to make contact and make plans to hang out either with your ex’s social circle or more preferably, yours.
Once you go out, it is time to let your ex see you amongst others and see what a fun and valuable person you are in a social setting. Have a great time with your friends and try to meet new people as much as possible. It also helps to have people around that you may have dated, are dating, or have a possible interest in dating as well because your ex will see the value that you convey to these people and become more attracted on their own.
If your ex is having a good time and seeing people they may have dated as well, do NOT become jealous or treat anybody badly. Befriend all these people and earn their trust and respect. Your ex will only be more impressed by this which increases your chances of a reunion.
- Endgame
You have taken the first and most important steps to getting your ex back if you so desire. After your ex sees you from this perspective and in this scenario, old emotions and feelings can tend to resurface. If this does not happen immediately, then it will over time. Chances are that they will approach you and make the first attempt about getting back together. This is much easier because it makes your success all the more likely. If not, then you may have to continue to demonstrate value over time while continuing to slowly become more friendly and intimate with your ex. If and when you do begin dating again, take things slow and treat everything as if it’s new all over again. Make sure you maintain all the things that have gotten you here and made your life better in the first place.
In any case, this is a delicate process and no one can be guaranteed a reunion. By following these steps though, you will guarantee yourself the highest chance at success while still having the knowledge that you have options if it doesn’t pan out.
The most important point to take away from this article is that in order to get your ex back, you must sub communicatively demonstrate to them through your life, words, and actions that you are a valuable person and that your life is great and will continue to be great whether you are in a relationship with them or not.
