Ex That Is Still in Your Life

Thank you again to everyone who opened up and shared their stories! Stay tuned for more posts about how to deal with exes. “We broke up over a jealousy issue. I was still head over heels for him. It seemed as if he still loved me, but he couldn’t deal with his jealousy. We had become a major part of each others lives. He continues to talk to me, because he doesn’t want to lose me as a "friend”. But I continue to talk to him in the hopes of winning him back. We mostly only talk on the phone or through social media, seeing as he is currently enrolled in the U.S. Army. But on the few occasions I do see him in person, it brings mixed feelings. I am happy to be with him, because I missed him. It easy to fall back into the same pattern. But it is hard to realize how easy it is for him to only be my friend, while I am still pining after him. Having my ex in my life still definitely takes a toll on me. It has definitely slowed the process of moving on. It feels like I constantly have to be my best if I hope to ever make him realize what he is missing out on.“ - Casey L., 19 "My ex is one of my best friends. He broke up with me and moved away, but we still keep in touch. I enjoy his company, and I see him when he is in town. My ex is just another one of my close friends. The only difference is that I have to be careful with what I say sometimes, because he had a bit of a fear that I would try to get back together with him.” - Macey M.*, 18 “My ex and I broke up on not-so-great terms. It was a long-distance relationship, and I found someone else who lived in my area. He is still in my life now, because we are so alike, but can still debate/discuss differences in opinion. We have a friendship quality that I haven’t found anywhere else. We don’t share the same friend group and never really have. We are still long distance, but talking through messaging is great! There are no pressures from remaining friends with my ex. It has been a while since we were together, so it is not weird anymore. I have no issues posting anything on Facebook, where he would see it. It can be draining to talk to him if we are both not in good moods. But that is never for the reason of him being my ex. We have both moved on, and we each had our respective long-term relationship that began after we broke up.” - Lara J.*, 18 “The first few breakups between my ex and I were on bad terms. At that time, we had some really personal matters going on. Why is he still in my life? I have no idea. I easily pushed away my previous exes, but not this one. It is probably because I pity him most of the time. We no longer meet up as much as we used to, but we still communicate on social media. And he still confides in me about his problems and all. Mostly, our relationship drains my energy. And it also affects my relationship with my family, as they were against the relationship when he and I first got together. I can not tell him to really leave me alone quite yet. I guess I need a companion, as I don’t have many friends.” - Syaza S., 24 “My ex and I didn’t break up on good terms. Let’s just say that I wasn’t the only girl in his life. But, with time, we have mostly been able to move past that. We are both in a city where we don’t know many other people. Work brought us both to Chicago. So it has been nice to have someone to hang out and explore with, who also knows me well. I enjoy seeing him now. We get together on a regular basis. I feel some pressure to pretend like what my ex did doesn’t affect me. At times, we are able to talk about it and through it. Other times, I just act like nothing ever happened.” - Destiny B., 23 “My relationship with my ex ended on good terms, but with some baggage. He is still my closest friend, and we didn’t want to lose that. We share some of our friends as well. I want him as a friend and enjoy having him around. There is no feeling of any pressure. But I do know that getting another boyfriend right now would distance us, since any new boyfriend would probably mind that I’m friends with my ex. And I haven’t found someone worth distancing myself from him for.” - Vera V.*, 20 “My ex and I broke up on good terms. He is still in my life, because we are too invested in one another to let go. We don’t share the same friend group. We see each other when he is back home on summer break, because it happens that we are both single and still into each other. I do enjoy seeing him. I do feel pressured to be the best I can be due to our continued friendship. It is not always a bad thing, but I feel I have to work harder to impress him (as opposed to someone that I don’t know). It is not draining at first. However, it gets old after a while.” - Ansel A.*, 23 “My ex and I were friends and decided to try the dating thing. It just didn’t feel right so we mutually ended it. We are still really good friends. We don’t hang out as often anymore, but we can still count on each other. I enjoy talking to and hanging out with him. He and I are really cool around each other. I do not feel any pressure around him. He’s actually a great motivator for me. He boosts my energy levels, because he makes me feel like I am worth something. He is always making sure that I am happy, and I do the same for him.” - Kacey T.*, 20 “My ex and I broke up on good terms. Heck, I still slept in his room for the next two nights, although I was not in the bed with him. We are still very good friends. We actually almost got back together several times after our break-up. Honestly, I still consider him one of my best friends. Almost every time I come home, I ask him if he wants to hang out. And I almost always enjoy it. I feel some pressures occasionally, especially since there have been so many times that we have almost gotten back together. I still sometimes get nervous before I see him, even though I’m dating someone else right now. My ex and I have been broken up for about 4 years. But during and after seeing him, I am always relaxed and happy.” - Danika G.*, 23 “My ex and I broke up on bad terms. He is still in my life, because I keep thinking that one day he will change his ways. We don’t share the same friend group. I continue to hang out with him, because we do have good time when we are together. I do enjoy seeing him. I do feel pressure because my ex is still in my life. I feel pressure to always look my best. And sometimes, talking to my ex over the phone brings down my mood.” - Alina H.*, 22