What do you do when things fall apart in your marriage? Here are five ways to to help you in your marriage trouble, whether you’re still together or you’re apart. Whatever is causing it to fail, you need to remember one of the golden rules of marriage – act, don’t react.
When you act, you are in control because you decide what you’re going to do or say. When you react, you lose control and give it away. When your marriage is not doing well, the last thing you want to do is give away control and just let things happen by reacting.
To have control, don’t give into your emotions. More marriages fall apart because both partners are reacting and not acting. You feel slighted by a word or action and you lash out with your own words or actions. Add to this some fiery emotion and you have a bad brew that’s ready to explode.
To help you gain control over yourself, let things simmer down and begin to recover your marriage; there are a number of steps that you need to attend to. Follow these and you will find yourself on your way to recovering your marriage.
One of the first things you need to do is change yourself, specifically your behavior. Yes, both you and your partner had to have something to do with how things started falling apart, but if you want things to work out, look at what you have done. Have you yelled, do you let your stubbornness rule, do you lie, or is something amiss with the way you’re living?
You have to face the fact that you need to change you. Even if it’s not all your fault, if you show the first steps, it will go a long way to repairing your marriage.
But how can you do this! How do you change, especially if you drag your heals at change. Ask yourself this, do you want to save your marriage, then you literally have to get over yourself and seriously consider your spouse.
A second thing that will go a long way is a positive attitude. You may feel the emotions, but it is up to you as to what you are going to do with them. Do you want to feed your anger because of what you feel your partner has done wrong? Or are you going to force yourself to be calm, cool and collected. The choice is yours.
No matter what life, and your marriage throw at you, you have the choice of how to react. Are you going to give into the full force of your emotions, or are you going to take a deep breath, walk away if you need to, and choose to let it go? This is especially important if children are involved, because how you act or react is exactly how they will act and react with their relationships.
The third important thing is to communicate with your partner. They can’t read your mind no matter how hard they try. A big part of this is listening to them talk. Let them say what they need to say, and do not interrupt. They may have a lot on their mind and you need to let them say it. There may be hurts, anger or resentment. As much as possible, don’t take it personally. If you want to get your marriage back, you’re going to need a ‘thick skin’ for a while.
A fourth important thing your relationship needs is one on one time. Even if it’s a short walk together, that is a start. This is the time to leave the angry words behind and look at the positive. Think back to what attracted you to each other and try to relive some of those moments.
Finally, do you remember what the first love was like that brought you together? Do you remember your vows when you got married? Then take them to heart because it’s time to put into practice these five ways to save you from marriage trouble. It’s your choice, so make it a good one!
